Beginning

I've deleted my Facebook. It became too draining for me. My sole reason for keeping it was "I want to see what's going on in my friends' lives" but if they were my real friends I could just call/text them & hang out in person. (Ya know. Like we did 10 years ago before Facebook) I loved my life before social media. I would actually go out & do things. After I got Facebook and Twitter, I became consumed with making my life look better than it was, making the right statuses to get a lot of likes, choosing the best profile pictures to get likes, comparing my page to others', etc. I wanted to be noticed. Desperately. And so did everyone else. We all became so thirsty for attention. This new fad of being "Original" and "Yourself" and "Hipster" is just getting really annoying, but I'll save that rant for another post.

Right now, I'm suffering from Depersonalization Disorder. Basically, I feel like nothing is real & that I'm watching myself live life instead of participating in it. You know when you're really sleepy and nothing feels real? It's like that. But it never stops. I only feel alive when I'm dreaming. It's terrible. I feel like I don't exist. I don't want to exist. But I don't want to die, either. So I'm beginning again. Unplugging from social media (except this & Tumblr), I'm going to actually go out and live life. Even if I can't feel it.

I named this blog Being Within after a quote from The Great Gatsby. I feel like I've always been both within & without. I was always at that median. In between the door. I was in and I was out. But now I'm choosing to step in. So join me on my journey of living life within.